I Just Don't Know What to Do With My Time

Most of you will have to excuse the nature of this message. It doesn't quite follow shiny, happy, feel good posts Roo has been laying out here lately. Its hard to come up with the right words to describe how I am feeling today. You invest so much time and energy and emotion into a relationship only to be let down and it truly leaves you at a loss. I have spent most of the year, at least since spring...no, actually I have spent pretty much my whole life waiting for this to happen. And everything seemed to be going so well, the stars were aligned, the pieces were falling into place...and then the bottom drops out...again. 1984...1989...1998...2003...2007...2008? Every year, as a Cubs fan, you wait til next year. And when next year rolls around, as a Cub fan you naturally ease through even a slightly successful season with at least a hint of hesitancy. And here we are in October 2008 with the Cubs as postseason favorites to win it all and end a 100 year title drought and end a quarter of that century's worth of this fan's agony only to find the Cubs down 2-0 to the Dodgers. The Cubs didn't just lose the first two games of best of five either...they looked awful. No curses can be blamed here, they just stunk...at Wrigley nonetheless. So I sit here and wonder, while Roo is outside selling away our belongings that perhaps we held on to for too long, I am holding on too tight to the dream that one day the Cubs will win it all? If there truly is no Miracle on Addison St...and it will seemingly take a miracle at this point...what do I do with myself? What do I do with my time? The thought of going through the entire 2009 season really makes my head and heart hurt because we'll just be doing it all over again.

I just don't know what to do with myself. Going to the movies only makes me sad...because the last movie I saw, I saw by myself. Its my fault though. Choice really. The last movie I saw as the theater was Iron Man. Watching the screen next door were Roo and sister Jess, enjoying Sex and the City. Last weekend, there was discussion of going to see the new Nicholas Sparks movie. We didn't go and it may be partly my fault. Batman wasn't playing at the same time. Now that we're married, are movie dates over? Make no mistake, I enjoyed going to see the Notebook with Roo. I even read the book. But does that establish diplomatic immunity from being subject from sad stories ever again? Or would I enjoy a full series of sappy Sparks flicks more than yet another Cub-less World Series?